I learnt the difference between the two words and also what they mean…since i did not know the meaning. I didnt realize it applied to me! Stigma is a noun. My conversation with my younger daughter (D) Me: I am a stigma because i have BPD ..a illness. D: what… what is stigma mean? […]Read More I am a stigma
Human beings in this place are categorized in 2 types Born a man,….entitled to be human…lifetime guarantee! Born a woman…entitled to be human..can expire ANYTIME, no warranty! I felt safe in USA. I dont feel safe here. As a woman…as a mother of 2 young girls…as a businesswoman….as a human being…as a proud DAUGHTER.. I dont […]Read More A BPD Woman
“You get hijacked by your feelings”…Dr. S had told me….I did not understand the full extend of it. I have been treated as a “normal MOM” and accepted by my girls. So i didn’t think i could be sick. I am up. Shit shower smoke.. And for the rest of the day my focus remains […]Read More BPD 101
Written June 2018: before the disCovery of truth. “BC” I want to call it. (It also stands for a very favourite cussword of mine…hehe) Look around you….at people you have any relation/interaction with….yes….including the maid and the driver, and the neighbor and the Relatives and friends….people closest to you….people you TRUST fo watch out for […]Read More Toxic Relationships 101: written “BC” before discovery of the truth! June 2018
people “You look just like your mom” Me: naah….I look like my Dad. (what I am feeling inside is: I don’t want to look like my mom, I want to look like Dad) But, I worried about this for many decades…. Last month, I made a trip…just to see her. Not to go to to […]Read More I don’t look like my mom symptom
I am feeling hot. I cant tolerate heat, i can’t wear this fabric or dress because it makes makes me hot. And when i FEEL hot…i get irritated and loose my cool. The world: whats wrong with you…its not unbearable. Look at me…i am not affected. You were born in such a hot country…so you […]Read More I don’t feel like me anymore.
I did not know WHO I was….I am finding me….sorting…sifting through what I remember…YES…I have lost time and memory. I have lost my happiness because everything was a struggle. I reached for help….took me 44 years of LIVING WITH bpd….before I got a correct diagnosis. So, IF you don’t have one…then I can share my […]Read More BPD is real- get help!
I am lost… Can i allow myself to hide …find BPD as an excuse for my behavior… Which is inexcusable… I received the following note from my therapist…when i reached out to her…. I cant stop crying…i was very bad towards my family Therapist: Yes, you did behave badly towards your family. This behaviour […]Read More I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m so sorry
Do you speak my language? These days, I ask a lot of questions. I ask if I understood correctly? I tell myself to slow down. My body cannot handle the stress….so I do fewer things. I feel I am just getting started….. I look at my daughters and realise they are little human beings….and THEY […]Read More Words have different meanings for me
My therapist was smiling from ear to ear….I could HEAR in her voice. We have never met. She and me. But we have been talking for 2 years now. Twice a week. She has brought me far….we have made a lot of progress, when I look back. And if you need a consult…. She was […]Read More Yesterday’s therapy session
A town like no other… I felt free and proud on the streets. Its a different world. A place where the sons were raised by giving examples of the women… Everything was lively…sports…swimming…watching uncles sit and play cards at the university club house… Never got flack for anything. I was free. It had culture! People […]Read More My small hometown.
It started pouring INSIGHT and FEELING and a glimpse of me….what happened?….A FEW things happened …in succession… April 22nd, evening: my younger one came up to me and said…Mumma, you used to play this song a lot, when I was a little girl…and she hummed it to me…”Tom’s Diner”…and I remembered…. She went on to […]Read More A lot has happened.