“It’s my hell….”… that’s how mental illness feels to anyone who can feel. And no-one can ever know what my hell feels like. I used to feel that way…felt like it..trapped in hell…no sign of hope or help or love…day after day…nothing could bring a smile… And then something happened…3 years ago… I strung some […]Read More I was left for dead everytime….and everytime i had to be reborn
Yes. Today…in the dark hours. I rode silently in the back of the car. Reached home to be Greeted by the dog. He howled and made these tiny yelping sounds…sniffing me! Then he went on to the balcony and sat looking for my daughter. Him waiting and looking out, made my heart go out to […]Read More Return home
So…. It took me 10 days to get my act together…my bowel movements and my sleep and my coffee times, blogging time, appetite…everything went for a toss given the 12 hour time difference and my age difference and changing hotels….Coming from a third world country to a first world country.. Teehee Coming from a third […]Read More BPD glitches
So… Am sitting here under a tree…at the university campus. Absorbing the facts of what’s happened n happening in my life. I didn’t just travel half way across the world…I crossed a lot of time…my memories coming back. Arriving here after 11 years of being away….is still surreal. My daughter will start college and then […]Read More I can be BPD… and more!
….so this is a tough one. I have returned to my home in a first world country after 11 years and the entire journey and last 3 days here have been very painful. I have to disassociate and keep a facade so I don’t crumble infront of my daughter. I was not expecting my depression […]Read More Going from Third world country to first world country:
“Our belief system goes to grave with us” ….says I So i choose wisely. And choose what works for me today and be willing to change….Be fickle…change is allowed. I won’t inherit it blindly. My father would tell me..”.live making noise…because aint nobody’s dad buying my food” I beleive I have BPD. First I had […]Read More My belief system gave me BPD?
I wanna share what my older daughter said to me 2 weeks ago. I was blind…and I got light. She is such a beautiful feeling child…except I didn’t notice until recently. I was in lot of pain and didnt know they were hurting too. I thought i had them protected and safe. I was wrong. […]Read More To be free: Wish of a BPD woman
Can I be me? I donno who I am is what I believed. But I think I knew all along that i was different. I didn’t fit any probability theorem. I felt everyone and was kind and made a Lotta noise. But i am finding me through you.. Through writing. I set out to […]Read More Can I be me?
So… Am sitting in my balcony, Looking at the Sky Thoughts running like a river Connecting dots… And i am asking and wondering again..who am I? A predator, a victim Or a healer I think I have a little bit of everything and everyone I meet…in me. I feel it. I feel you. I dont […]Read More Healer, predator, or victim
Today: A relative is visiting me today after lunch. He is my big cousin brother. He has seen me since I was born. He attended my parents wedding. I attended his wedding and loved his daughter like mine. He and his daughter have seen my posts and are anxious to know if I am well. […]Read More I was quiet, I was not blind!
Yes….I am a woman. I am mentally sick. I am being kept as a slave…along with my 2 daughters. I am a slave. I have no rights I have no feelings I just have to keep pushing and pushing … Or I will be whipped with such bad things…blamed and mocked and ridiculed…begging for my existence […]Read More Mentally sick woman kept as a slave
This here proves that the plant was tricked and gaslighted. The plant is me with BPD…the plant is alive and hence has a shape? and energy? and hunger? But the plant was told there is no light for you….you are destined to die in the darkness…inside the shell. I made these organic (mask shape) pots […]Read More Coming out of our shells