I wanna write
It might not make sense
But i am gonna write
Been 8 days i returned to this hell of a third world country. Literally arrived to a shit home filled with mosquitos n smell of death.
My controller was living here with the dog for the sake of the dog…and i saw only filth all around. Wait…it looked like my mothers house while i was growing up and cleaning every chance i got. Abject despair….
Wow…i married someone who is exactly like my mom!! Fuck me somebody. Coz he really conned me!!
Why did i come back?
Because my child would not stop crying there in a first world country. She missed her friends in the third world country. So i changed tickets and brought us back.
The entire trip was very challenging and i have lost track of time or places or things that have happened…
I spent 6 days in bed with excruciating body pain, and a mind that couldnt be found
I cried and chanted
I spoke to the hindu god in foreign language and wondered if he understood
Mostly i was asking for death. Like real death to come and get me.
I challenged the universe 2 days ago….and swore on my dads grave…
Let death take me
Because if left alive…i will burn this world down and every motherfkr who ever hurt me
if i am left alive, i will not rest…..Till i burn down the evil that possesses my spirit and everyday my body receives 20 lashes because i want to exist
I started blogging for BPD….
Fuck…i remember now
I discovered abuse.
Can i go back to being bpd and taking the blame for everything? Life was simpler
Now i know too much
And i cant unknow it
What i know… can start wildfires and has the power to burn evil…
Shhh….dont tell a soul