Why didnt anyone listen to me?

I was thinking back…stumbling upon some memories…

It all makes sense now…abuse…that word makes sense now!

For as long as I remember, I was never heard. You are crazy, hahaha, they would laugh and I would laugh with them. Ofcourse they didnt mean it, they love me. But when did that crazy become bad and wrong and trouble and horrible and a nightmare. I was true to them, then why did they destroy me consciously?

I had this temper. I would revolt always…shout and scream when I would not listen to anybody. I would do what I wanted to do by my rationale. For example…

My mother made my life horrible when I refused to marry the guy I was dating for 4 years. She was adamant that I must marry the guy I slept with/ had sex with. (Third world country) I was 22, 23…cant remember. I had found out with proof that he was having sex with several women in his city. And i break it off with him. Fair enough, right? But he is in cahoots with my mother. Tells her we have been sexual. So my mother insists I marry him. ( what i didnt know at the time was that she wanted to marry me off to anyone!! She just wanted to save money on marrying this girl off to somebody. She didnt care and she doesn’t care today either. Money is more imporrant)

Well, I told her I couldn’t marry every guy I slept with. So, she locked me up in a room, while i screamed and cried and banged my head on the walls. I had no way to escape this prison. I knew only that i would not marry that guy who cheated on me after being engaged. My principle, right? So I stuck to my decision and they together stuck to breaking me down emotionally. My mother told me everytime something went wrong…get out of the house. Where would I go? I had made many plans when I was younger…to run away….

I stayed, made a bonfire and burnt everything. And I changed. I felt I wouldn’t live past 30. Hehe

So…here we are..30 decades later…

If they cared they would .make time to listen. Why would they listen if that’s exactly what they think of you….a doormat. Gosh, I am glad I am getting so smart and seeing things….but believing is not happening yet…

All my closest people family…everybody turned out to be a traitor!!

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