I wanna get a divorce
I have been asking my mother n brother to help talk to my inlaws because they will not talk to me.
I thought my family wants me to be strong and independent and fight my own battles. I always have. Plus I did not wish to bother them. Every time I asked for help or told them how bad my situation was getting, they would tell me to shut up and stop complaining. I told them how sick I was getting, depression, BPD, medicines, nothing was working….they ignored me.
Makes sense today…I found my answer. Although I am still in shock and disbelief.
You don’t know, but I loved him. I watched over him. Watched for his happiness. Did everything…I thought he cared too. How is this possible?
Just now, I found this email from 2016…that I had forgotten…I wrote to my male sibling. I told him everything and asked for help. The same person choked my neck a few months ago, playfully, but I fainted. It brings a very foggy memory of being choked and hair pulled hard all the time.
Please, just one person tell me that I was played?
September 2016, email to my sibling:
i am working on closing this marriage. I don’t care what he does with his life.
I want my life back…and stop living lie with my husband. He has given his affection n love to another and anothers male child…and not our female children.
Fact 1 :
2002- 2016: No sex. no share bed, rejected me every time i approached. no reason. i just dint interest him. what happens to my psych over years?
2011 january: I underwent hysterectomy. Lack of hormones produced (being married but no sex) CAN cause A-typical cancer cell and growth of fibroids. 2009 and 2010 I suffered. Very painful. I used to bleed 60 days and work and manage the kids. Went for biopsy alone and a lonely painful recovery from a complete hysterectomy
2011 august: i want to go for dad’s 80’s birthday to be with him. First time I asked to travel for myself, but he won’t give me money. Flat out refused.
2011 dec: Dad died.
2012: he has affair with a company employee, divorced with a 4 year old son. He denied the “affair” and broke up with her. (Or so he told me.)
Aug. 15th, 2016 : I discovered that he has been all this time “engaged” to her. And screwing his admin in bangalore and 2 others, all aspiring employees from his company. He has been spending time with her family. Remember Daddy would say…”its not fair…its not done”. he could have just let me live too.
November 11th, 2016: i close this marriage.
Dec 2016 : Close all deals. start afresh
jan 2017 : My 50th birthday.
1975….i was physically abusesd by our servant. you were there too.
1987…i am sent to another city to study. i didnt know the world.
Sept 1988 (18 yrs) : I got kidnapped. my coke was spiked and the 4 guys wanted to have sex. But i fought and was not raped. No penetration. i fought 18 hours. i lived.
1989 : This guy V walks into my life and forces me to tell mummy about the “rape”. i
told mother about it after he forced me to tell and even shared my diary with her. she started calling me a whore. he was taking advantage of my situation and having multiple girlfriends. thts why i broke up with him. But you continued to be friends with him!
i became the fkg bitch…..
I watched out for you. loved you unconditionally.
never WANTED to be a burden….? i am not a liability.
i lived …doing what i could do. I never gave up.
i helped daddy clean the dirty kitchen
i saw him weep
i held his hand
i went with him to light the candle at the Ganges
i was his shadow
i lost him.
the 3 men in my life. lost them all.