He was tired…he couldn’t fight anymore
He had fought for even basic human right to exist. I did not know. I was given life and freedom by this man. He remained invisible. Caring for others working hard to buy me and my sibling the freedom to go to a first world country. A priviledge that he once had. But he came back to the third world country so he could take care of his sick brothers and mother.
He married my mother and all his dreams turned into ashes. He cried silently. He was trapped.
He was a kind man and wouldn’t just leave the children n run. He was also a gentleman and a empath.
We stole his light. I was part of it. We learnt how to bully from my mother. I know this today because I know how my kids have mimicked my abusers tone. They somehow get influenced….and I remember my unthoughfulness towards my father.
See here’s the thing….
Everyday there was utter chaos…the queen had to be served. Squeeze juice for her, iron her clothes, hand her clothes, find her stuff in her huge huge mess she lived in. I also remember today that I would constantly question that and clean up everytime hoping everytime that she will appreciate my efforts and all she had to do was to keep it that way…organized. but she wouldn’t thank me. Within 24 hours she will make everything so dirty. Callously…no regard to a 12 year olds efforts. I rme.eber my father telling her…why you have made it so dirty, the poor girl was cleaning till late night. And she would say she didnt. Just ignore. She didnt.
3 things that came to my mind yesterday….in my experience
The narcs in my life never embraced beauty of nature. They are oblivious to the calm and peace of it.
They are stingy with their money. Oh they will offer to pay the bill…but by the end of the day theh make sure they make you pay!!
They steal. The narcs in my life have stolen money jewellery from me. I knew it but I didnt believe myself. Today I know. But I dont have proof.
They suck the light outta other people and step on their dreams and abilities. And they stand in the limelight receiving the award because i am presumed dead or crazy. Hmm
I just wanna smile and laugh again…