Return home

Yes. Today…in the dark hours. I rode silently in the back of the car. Reached home to be Greeted by the dog. He howled and made these tiny yelping sounds…sniffing me! Then he went on to the balcony and sat looking for my daughter. Him waiting and looking out, made my heart go out to him. I donno how to tell him that she is gone for a long time. I feel he knows. I had left my dog with my parents/ father. That was 26 years ago. I still rmemeber her looking through the windows at the airport…such a sad far off look on her face. She waited for me for a few years and then she died. I won’t let this one die. I had to write I am writing and tears flow I can allow myself to go..to let down my guard and just feel. The hardest time for me was to leave my daughter in a firat world country and just xome back and not allow myself to Feel the BPD feeling. It lies in wait for me. I have to process the last 23 days and the life changing things…a lot of stuff. And slowly allow myself to Feel and heal. That’s the only plan I have right now. My little one is being brave too. You see….when its just a small family. The girls and me have been together and the only family we have is each other. Now…one of us is all alone, and she is so little.Thank you mummy for getting me free. Now you have to get the little one and yourself out” Her words ring in my heart…

But i didn’t know what free meant…

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