Yes….I am a woman. I am mentally sick. I am being kept as a slave…along with my 2 daughters. I am a slave. I have no rights I have no feelings I just have to keep pushing and pushing … Or I will be whipped with such bad things…blamed and mocked and ridiculed…begging for my existence I am all alone….they are 11 narcissists I have to go for rTMS…it’s magnetic shock treatment on the left cortex of my head. It hurts a lot …the sound…and headaches… and I am supposed to be relaxed because my slightest anger or crying will trigger pain waves in my head. I told my masters …I have electric chair treatment…been going on and off for last 1 year. I need for somebody to go with me…sit with me…because I am very scared. My daddy would have gone with me. I go alone…my driver drives me…then I sit for the 37 minutes of protocol…tears dreaming down my face…because I HAVE to do this…I have to exist and live for my daughters. I just found out that my abusers have been mentally torturing and abusing and shunned ignored by their own father n family…. my daughters too…why? Because i thought i was the bad and evil one…but why hurt my little girls…why call them names belittle them break their confidence… And i am shattered…finished. I cannot do the treatment and manage house and close a business, pursue a 15 years pending divorce and fight BPD or whatever it is I have… I get tired, then I cry and then I just wanna run away from this house…this prison… But i am a slave…. I will do as I am conditioned to do….which is live…no matter what. Keep my eyes on the girls…nothing can come in between… I am telling the universe…
Abuse 101: by a mentally dead woman A conversation with the abuser: Abuser: A
Victim : V
Abuser: Did you sharpen the knives in my kitchen?
Abuser: haha. Why? What did you use to sharpen them?
V: It was a knife sharpening guy outside on the street. A: Those knives have a sharpening rod. They are henkels knives. When did you take the knives? Did you ask me? Or inform me?
V: Knives: No, I didn’t ask. I saw the guy outside and asked driver to give the knives and bring them back. I had tried the sharpening rod many times before. It hardly made a difference.
A: but…did you ask me…it’s my house…it’s been 5 yrs and I dont go to kitchen because handling knives scares me….one year I was cutting myself…you know that too…So why…why?? You didn’t even ask and sharpen the knives. You Tell me I have to cook
Don’t let me go back home. Control our lives financially Hurt my children…our children.. And sharpen knives Then tell me I have to cook and clean and act as if nothing’s wrong? I am a sick person under watch by a team of doctors. Just to keep me alive. (I am 51 yrs old…can’t I take care of myself? I can, I do..maybe I can try harder Tomorrow!)
A: Why didn’t you ask me? Or atleast inform me? Coz I kept thinking something wasn’t right about the knives and I didn’t know who put scratches on the knives. I will go to kitchen for the girls…no matter what..
Even though i get hot there. mosquitos bite my leg. I hate mosquitoes. They bite me every night and day. I dont sleep most nights because I get bit.
I hope someone sees the signs…and identifies the abuser around you. Yes…Abuser can disguise as the Victim and/Or the Rescuer. I have been through so much abuse…
That i feel dead. I dont want to be dead yet.
“Lastly, do not take a neutral stance. When we sit back and act like both people have caused this to happen, we are actually saying that it is not abuse, which makes the abuser feel right and the victim feel wrong. The abuser needs to be called out and held accountable. The victim needs to be protected, and comforted. The victims need to be shown that they are worth taking care of.” (QUOTED from the Google search)
My hope to the universe!
A Plan: by a Beautiful girl I died last night I am reborn again… Still in incubator I have died many times before Everytime I hurt my own children Everytime I loose control Every time I can’t breathe Everytime I cry when my soul is ripped I break a little inside I want to be the mother I used to be I can be But sometimes I wanna be me…the sick me… It escapes Breaks through my smiles And shows it’s ugly face… I beat it I am not scared I can bare my teeth Today….I am…focussed and still. Should I be scared? I know no fear I feel no fear Watch me….you will see the real me… Universe breaths in me! thank you for listening A message from the Moon One day I was born…and called a baby girl
Then I started walking and talking and smiling ….I was known as my daughter. When my little brother arrived, I became the big responsible sister. Suddenly one day I started bleeding, and my identity changed. I became the sister, protected by her brother. I did not know the fear of being a woman in India! College started. A person who would help her friends! It cost me my life and I became a employee. Hushed talks of marriage caught my attention. I became a bird who flew away from the predicted outcomes. I became a graduate student. I got my masters n became a employee with a car. The marriage card had to be dealt with and I became a wife…Mrs.….. I finally belonged and wouldn’t have to change identities anymore. I was all set. …..I became a mother and my encounter with a near dead experience at child birth left me scarred and helpless and crying for me and the baby girl in my arms. She called me Mumma! I became her guardian angel. With the second daughter and a difficult pregnancy….I found me loving both of them..the sound of mumma, mummy, mom, filled my life! I became a mother of 2 beautiful girls…I became their world. I played drums and dreamt of bexoming a drummer. Time flew playing drums and visits to the zoo and the aquarium and the goat park …I lost touch with reality of my life. A change was proposed that challenged my loyalty. I became a follower. A follower of the institution of trust and sacrifice…saying NO was not an option. Living in a castle, surrounded by green trees and high walls…I became the very important Madam. I had a staff of people working for me and I wanted to make it big in business. I became a Juggler. A businesswoman with a heart and empty pockets. I was taken for a ride by everyone I met…my money is all they wanted, so they robbed me of my faith in humanity. I became alone and was called a woman for the first time in my life. I was mob attacked and robbed of all my dignity…nobody called me!! My mental sickness was my introduction to what was left of me… A crazy bitch. A sick person. A leech. A behanchod. A thing. A fifty one year old useless woman. I became Unemployed. Rocks were thrown at me and I cried and I screamed. Police was called. My daughters traumatized. Everyday gaslighting….I became a stigma! Stripped of identity….a refugee…. Today….I am the woman on the Moon ….owner of the Moon ….invisible to the eye…yet in plain sight !!