“You get hijacked by your feelings”…Dr. S had told me….I did not understand the full extend of it. I have been treated as a “normal MOM” and accepted by my girls. So i didn’t think i could be sick. I am up. Shit shower smoke.. And for the rest of the day my focus remains on the girls and then the business. • “Living with borderline personality disorder can be difficult. You DO NOT realize that your behaviors and thoughts are self-destructive, are hurting you, breaking you down….like ANY SERIOUS PHYSICAL AILMENT. …yet feel unable to stop yourself. You feel like a train wreck.
• Understanding your illness is next. It might take a few years…so dont give up….everything will make sense one day, trust me.
• Sticking to your treatment plan • Attending therapy sessions as scheduled • Slow down. Dont do 10 things in a day. I know you are capable of juggling multiple things…as you distract yourself from feeling!!
• DO only 3 • Don’t be cocky “i went to Yale…and hence its proven i am intelligent, hence i KNOW i am just different and popular and smarter” …. Get help!!
• what makes you super mad and hot ….AVOID that “what“ • Reach out to others with the disorder…so you start HEARING what you have been FEELING. It helps. I donno how. But it helps. Will I forgive myself? “People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be intensely caring, warm, smart, and funny, but their behavior often drives away those closest to them.” For the longest time, I craved answers…I DID not EVER stop looking for “happiness”…..I did not wanna die like this….not having answers….hating myself, blaming others….Today is a big day…because I know I will die with no regrets in life! ….something didn’t add up. With the right doctor, medication and therapy, I have come this far…but I have a long way to go…IF I am able to forgive myself… for hurting so many people around me…for causing my daughters so much trouble….for LIVING with this disease for 50 years! How come I did not KNOW. why didn’t I see, how come nobody told me, WHY wasn’t it recognised……… People like me, are born creative…. in the minds of those tormented by mental illness, and when harnessed through poetry, art, music or writing it can be a powerful tool for recovery.” We are not criminals, or bad people….but we deserve some empathy!! Trust me….I have found empathy for people with this illness….