A BPD Woman

Human beings in this place are categorized in 2 types

Born a man,….entitled to be human…lifetime guarantee! Born a woman…entitled to be human..can expire ANYTIME, no warranty!

 I felt safe in USA. I dont feel safe here. As a woman…as a mother of 2 young girls…as a businesswoman….as a human being…as a proud DAUGHTER.. I dont feel safe!! Prove me wrong! Any support for the VICTIMS….? i found out yesterday that my medical insurance will not cover mental disease…how long can i sustain my treatment and illness alone…..will i ever be able to leave the Moon…no support groups here…no consideration for people who WANT to live….Yes…we have a beautiful vision! Why am i hiding…why must i hurt ….why am i in a jail…what did i do…what sins did i commit…did i hurt you….please hang me. Lets end this…the Ignorant must be taught! A woman is bullied everyday here….then mental woman because I am outnumbered!! So… I am going to leave as soon i can….go back home…where I am left alone…to be what I wanna be….to FEEL SAFE. Its a shame that OUR creativeness and unconditional trust… and the Love WE FEEL IS WHAT MAKES US SICK. I am tired of being sick…i am more tired for not being ACCEPTED as a human…and I am absolutely DONE with accepting A LIFE that WAS NOT MY CHOICE …. Then why am i in this place today? TRUST. (Realizing my BPD syptoms…since i started writing…has made me very depressed. Its to be expected. And i know THAT. BUT i am not able to cope. So…i have gone back to the chair …started rTMS yesterday. Listen….I am not going to stop writing… My dad would say to me and my brother…live without fear..coz you are FREE…
You teach me the world …. i show you the universe…
Many moons ago…. I remember crossing streets in my home town.. My dad always held my hand…and I trusted him….noticing how he would always shield me in his shadow….and i didn’t think about it much….took it for granted….until now… Other times i rode my motorcycle and used indicators…and wore a helmet always. Simple. Right! Then whats the problem today… ..a woman cant cross a road alone..this city where i live. I watch helplessly…as the older citizens of this country…whom we can afford some dignity …and the women and children stand on the side of the road….too scared to take a step forward….the dust flying in their eyes…trying to cross a road…( i got out of the house after 13 days) and am pained. Lets not honk at least…or step on the accelerator! In my town……this happened with my father… he was standing on the side of the road waiting to cross the road and the car came and hit him and kept going….he did not tell me he got hurt. I was in America…i would worry…i wouldnt underatand how someone could do this to my dad..in my home town…on my watch !! Last month…as i stood on the side of the road at 8pm…..with my daughter…waiting for my cab…a car came straight towards us…on the SIDEWALK and i had to push my daughter in the ditch behind to save us! I have walked in my fathers shoes these last 10 years…i have felt the pain of being alone and helpless…in a strange country…hiding in a fish bowl Please donot bully me because i FEEL, judge me because i have blue hair …shun me why? ….intimidate me …coz you can…ignore me…because YOU dont understand…and i failed math in school .haha! what is stigma? I dont understand this word. I dont see how being kind despite being blind To The world …..is WRONG!

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