Why are my feelings n the truth denied?

If you don’t get good marks, you are not going to be successful in life. Doesn’t matter if you are brilliant at singing. Look at the neighbours kid, he does so well!
It doesn’t matter what you do, again and again and again….to prove you are also special.

A battle that you lost on the onset….
Coz no-one THOUGHT that you MIGHT be SUFFERING from a MENTAL ILLNESS.
Why?
We are choosing to live in denial. thats brilliant!
I am a living example of how our culture BREEDS borderline personality disorderly people.
Look around…. at your own sister and mother and wife and girlfriend and neighbours wife….
YES. I am talking about me, I am a WOMAN. And this is my file…
Girl is born…yay!
dress her up, take pics, send her to school, she won the trophy, yay!! Goes to college, gets a job. NOW what? Cultural peer pressure and marriage.
THAT’S when you go SHIT!
You are CONDITIONED to BE a certain person, loved and celebrated…
NOW, part 2 conditioning starts: Put yourself in a closet…
From being the centre of attention to putting yourself second.
LOSS of identity….you HAVE to do this, otherwise what will people say.
Imposed. No choices. No validation.
I am NOT asking you to write poems for me…..
BUT
when I say I am feeling very hot, and can’t breathe, and get very uncomfortable in the heat and warm temperatures, and YOU say….
oh, why? everyone else is fine with it. whats your problem. Suck it up…kids are not complaining. Why do you always make things so complicated”?
Wham!! you just told me “What you are feeling is not REAL” or “It doesn’t matter how you feel” OR “I love you, just tolerate the heat”

This happens over and over again for 22 years and you get conditioned to ignoring yourself, to voicing your FEELINGs. But inside I would cry n howl.
And one day you can’t ignore it, one day you scream, and next day you feel you have lost your mind and should just die.
Who are you to tell me what I am feeling is not VALID/TRUE TO ME! Seriously??

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5 thoughts on “Why are my feelings n the truth denied?

  1. yes the world has its rules and expectations – and when you are not able to be part of that “norm” it it is hard for others to understand. But as you know, more and more people are getting ill – mentally for the various reasons. BPD according to the specialists .. can get better, can recover but everyone is their own case. you definitely do not need validation from anyone – esp since you are an adult now. your pain is real and the hard part is your pain .. only YOU can dissolve it – but you are not alone and the universe will look after you, yellow butterflies, flowers and all. Yellow is sunny – Yellow is the Solar Plexus Chakra – Yellow is strength.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Who are you….who speaketh my native ancestral language
      Who sees my yellow butterflies
      And
      Validates my real world
      You must be universe sent…
      Am I just happy that you see me…happy to be connected.
      Gives me hope…. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. There are always people like you or who complement you.. part of your TRIBE .. let the universe help lead you to finding them to support you. BUT always remember self-love is most important and if that holds true, your personal boundaries will be well set. And once you have protected yourself then let your light shine and live from a position of compassion and love ..
    Do you have a personal set of Mantras?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I dont have any mantras

      I live with the sky n trees and wind and sun …my universe protects me.
      You found me…and your words are so soothing n kind. My 8 year old brain trying to understand what you are saying…
      We are connected….tribe?
      I can belong? I am trying ….
      Thank you and a big hug for looking out for me Ms. Honesty … hehe

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Mantras – i made up sentences that are important to me about things i value or want my mind/body to believe each day. I say them in my mind when i wake up.
    So examplea can be like “I am strong and powerful. ” “Tte universe protects me. ” “I choose to forgive… ” etc

    Tribe .. a way of describing finding people in your group of “family” who can understand your vibe. . Who help in growth and recovery. These people are out there; you just need to ask universe to bring you and then together. Take care and breathe the good energy in.

    Like

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