Too much noise.

These are the few things I have learnt about me…noticed for me with BPD. But holds true for all human beings.

When we are juggling too many things, our brain gets tired. And Then again the next day we do the same….keep living with the noise that doesn’t allow you to think clearly. Then I wouldn’t eat or forget to eat, because life was very hectic.  Then one day I realised I have lost taste for food. I started shunning food, lost my appetite, did not buy food, did not want to cook ( I have cooked all my life, and am a brilliant cook) FORGOT how to cook, did not want to look at food.  As a mother I felt ashamed everyday that I was unable to cook for my daughters! Today I eat my meals and have started tasting some foods.

When I slow down and do only 10 things a day, as opposed to 30 that I used to….then I don’t get so tired and exhausted. My mind or brain cannot do 30 things. And I am happy with the 3 things I get done every day. BUT I am REQUIRED to do the 10 things because I am a mother.  Where can I find the energy to do them? Damn right….get it?!!

I DONT!

If I accept that I am sick, or special or mentally challenged then I NEED to be mindful that I will never be able to do the ten things that I want to! The 30 things I used to do…is WHAT pushed me and also sustained me,,,,,funny…..  So I slowed down.

I don’t watch tv or read news….and after 11 years…Its just filtered a lot of noise for me. I did not miss anything! And I am still alive and feel it    thats what we want, no??

Whatsapp makes me reachable.

And my daughters keep me posted on any life threatening events.

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